A week or so on from commencing my plan. Ive managed my short walks 5 days out of 7 this week, which is a good start for someone with M.E. 10 minute walks seemed to be just right, not too little, and not too much as I could complete the walk without stopping but most definately needed to rest by the time I climbed the two flights of stairs to get home.
I did push things a bit too far on Friday, I needed something from our local shops which are a 15 minute walk for me. There is a bench half way and I sat and rested 5-10 minutes . I managed to get to this bench on the way back and knew by that time I had pushed myself too far. Just a total of about 20-25 minutes was pushing my body too much. I rested 10 minutes and walked the rest of the way home, really struggled to get up the stairs. Pain followed on that evening quite quickly, although not too severe. I slept very poorly afterwards.
What happenned the following evening is pretty much the usual for me after I have been active - I often cannot sleep for 24-48 hours. I do not know why this happens, it just does. I ended up getting 1 hours sleep, but got woken up, then a few broken hours sleep dotted about over the next 12 hours or so. I cant catch up on sleep through the day easily just now as there are workmen doing work outside my home for up to 12 hours a day 6-7 days a week. Yes even from 9am on a Sunday, today. So my sleep patter is totally messed up.
I feel dreadful. I dont feel with it at all, kind of spaced out. The usual sore throat, aches and pains plus fatigue. However, trying to complete the smallest of tasks at home is completely exhausting - getting dressed resulted in me having to sit on the bed to recover from putting trousers on. Whether this is the result from walking too much on Friday or the combination from walking most days and the knock on effect of dreadful sleep, all on top of my usual symptoms? It is what it is. Basically I feel even worse than I have been. I have not managed my once or twice weekly get togethers with friends, resulting in seeing nobody but my daughter this week. I had been feeling very positive but now feel very low. I am not choosing to feel flat or low. I am thinking positive thoughts, but my brain isnt functioning, my emotions are flat, Im so completely drained. I have felt disorientated, and disconnected in the last couple of days, yet psychologically I had felt fine before starting my plan. I have had to mute the tv when my daughter speaks to me as I cannot separate the two, I can only concentrate on one thing at a time. I have felt mildly muddled at times too, most likely the exhaustion coupled with total messed up sleep pattern, lack of sleep. This is all the side of M.E that nobody ever sees in me, as I only see people when Im at my best.
Diet wise Ive eaten well, continued eating lean fish and meat every other day, but have not felt in the right place to stick to a weight loss programme. Ive continued taking my supplements.
Today, despite feeling my worst I want to get out to a garden centre to purchase something specific, its something I need to do in the next 2-3 days, as I have plans Im working on this next week. The bus stop is a good 10 minutes including a walk over a bridge, so a bit of steep walking and the same on the way back without the bridge. So just getting there and back will push my limits again. Walking from the bus stop and around the garden centre I anticipate 15-20 minutes. So basically to do the one thing that I want to do in the next 5 days is going to push me over my limit, into the boom bust cycle which I wanted to avoid. But this is a one time thing this year that I need to get done this week, ( photograph some plants for a photography competition that I would have to enter this week) so my choice is to not do something I love, get enjoyment out of it, have a chance at doing well in a photography competition and be completely exhausted for however long afterwards( usually 3-7 days), or stay at home, continue my plan and be exhausted any way and not doing what I love.
Given that being single and only seeing friends on average once a week because of my illness, getting bored stupid at home alone all the time, I am tempted to try to get the plants I want today, so I can take photos in a couple of days time and hope that some will be good enough to enter the competition. At least I wont be bored whilst feeling ill, I will be able to set photography equipment up bit by bit without tiring myself further really and take photos sitting down, then I can enjoy editing and sharing.What would you do? If I could afford a taxi there and back it would not be a problem. however, I am not deemed disabled or unwell enough to be awarded PIP as I can walk for 10 minutes, even if it isnt every day and even though quite obviously from this last week it is making me worse trying to do so each day. I am following the advice given by health professionals - to push myself physically. In fact they advised pushing myself more, cleaning windows etc - that one was hilarious - I had told them that one task is something I struggle to do more than anything so I was told to do it repeatedly. Which makes sense for a lot of illnesses but not M.E, why do the one thing that your body cannot tolerate, more and more to the point that you end up housebud or bedridden as a result? Yet there is evidence that this advice might be making people with M.E worse. I will stick with my 10 minute walks, if it helps in time great, if after a few weeks Im still feeling worse then I will stop.
Dilemas of going with the plan or actually doing what I love. What would you do? Stick with a plan that is making you feel even more ill in the teensiest hope it might build stamina and activity levels, but knowing it actually makes a lot of patients much worse or go back to the boom bust cycle and get to see frriends or do what you love once a week and really suffer afterwards.
Now I need to sleep...
Sunday, 25 June 2017
Monday, 19 June 2017
Here I go again - Renewed drive to beat M.E
Im feeling super positive and happy lately. Life is good. Im enjoying exploring spirituality and reading a little psychology - both hugely beneficial. Im still struggling with the M.E, still only getting out once or twice a week, so none of that has changed. However Ive certainly got used to being single and psychologically feel better than I have in years, not that I had a problem, but I feel happier, content, at peace now whilst I didnt before.
Despite my attempts to increase my activity levels earlier this year, Ive not managed to increase my stamina at all. Frequent minor illnesses hampered my attempts. All attempts at increasing activity and stamina have failed. BUT Im getting back to basics now, a new plan. This time Im cutting out the one thing that I love that has been draining my energy and has resulted in experiencing severe symptoms in days afterwards - yep photography. I had been grabbing the opportunity whilst out with friends seeing bands to take photos of the bands too. Its amazing how much this drained me. So 1st thing in my new plan - 28 days of no photography unless its a quick snap. Time to concentrate ALL my effort on beating this illness.
So my plan, which Ive started this week
1/ Get out for a short walk EVERY day, no matter how dreadful I feel , starting with a simple 10 minute daily stroll. Increasing the length of time each week or two depending on how my body is responding. Now Ive done this before, tried earlier this year and a few times the last 2 years and its not worked, BUT I did this in 2014 and it led to me being able to rebuild my activity levels massively that year, with regular walks of between 3 and 5 miles. So, this is why Im trying it again. Now this method doesnt work for everyone, graded exercise has made some people worse,( it has made me worse in the past too) but Im building up very slowly and gently so I do not make myself worse. I will listen to my body. But I will stick to this ridgedly every day for at least a month, even if its just 10 minutes a day. Ive done it before and Im so determined to make it work again. If this doesnt work then Ive no other option to continue my life as before, including the occassional boom bust cycle in order to do the things I love, as without doing what I love in life there is little point.
2/Super super healthy eating and losing weight. I didnt lose the weight earlier in the year. So I will kick start very slow weightloss again. 190lbs a couple of days ago, Im aiming to reach 170 if I can. Ive continued to eat fish and chicken once or twice a week over the last couple of months, partly following a very well educated friends advice I have increased this. Im not so keen on red meat but tried it a couple of days ago and may eat it once a week. If after another couple of months eating meat I see no difference Im likely to return to either being vegetarian or pescatarian though. Im eaing a diet rich in low fat foods, pulses, grains, lean meat, vegetables, fruit. Low sugar, very little processed foods. Calorie counting as I cant exactly lose weight with increased exercise at present.
3/Supplements & medication, I will continue taking D Ribbose and CoQ10 plus NADH. I am also trying Curcummin to see if it helps with pain relief, Milk thistle due to a liver problem which is being investigated, iron, vit C, vit B, vit D, flaxseed oil, Ginko biloba and ginseng. All of which Ive checked are fine with my GP following an ongoing liver and gall bladder issue. Ive recently had my thyroxine reduced from 100mcg to 75mcg as TSH was 0.5. Im battling pain relief, trying to hold off anti inflamatories as much as possible until my stomach issues are identified for definate, as still need to rule out an ulcer. So taking Lansoprazole until further tests and diagnosis determines the cause of the pain. So its codiene and paracetamol for pain, but trying to take as little as possible, using hot baths and heat packs instead whenever possible.
Apart from those simple steps Im ensuring a good sleep pattern ( well trying to in this heat), keeping myself thinking positively, avoiding being around negative people, keep stress to a minimum. Avoiding spending excessive time using a computer, building in rest periods to every day, meditating once a day. Im factoring in doing things that I really enjoy, making jewellery, reading, time in the countryside, time spent with my daughter and friends. Im even going to try sitting in the sun, which for some reason Ive never enjoyed, but Im pasty white and some extra sunshine would do me good :)
So thats my plan. A bit boring but its here for me to refer back to and keep it documented.
Getting to the giving up photography temporarily, Ive met a lot of resistance from my friends and fellow photographers, probably because they know how much I love my hobby and how it drives me. Maybe they have not realised the severity of how it impacts me in following days. Recently I photographed a gig and some dancers and it left me in a terrible state for the best part of 7 days. Actually pretty much bed bound for 2 days. Compared to attending a gig a few days ago, not doing photography, I was able to get out the following day. Its a no brainer really. Why on earth make myself so ill, just to take a few photos of a band, which turn out poor anyway as lighting is dark resulting in noisy images. Its not as if gig photography is my thing, Im never going to be winning awards with the images. Plus, I realise how much Ive neglected my friends in doing this and I would rather enjoy their company and the band. So no more gig photography in low light pubs full stop, only in places where lighting is enough to allow me to take higher quality images.
As a photographer I have been very driven in my passion, Ive allowed it to seep into all areas of my life. I love what I do. But its so easy to get caught up in taking photos only thinking about getting "that shot", and you miss the magic of the moment. For me, as Im continuing my spiritual and self improvement path, I realise now that Ive been missing out on being "present" in the moment a hell of a lot, as Ive been so focused and driven. So taking a step back is also a positive option for me, I can get to really enjoy all those magic moments for what they are, not thinking about how compose the best image, how to process it and how many likes or how it might be recieved by other photographers etc. I would rather look back on magical moments that the photographing of those magical moments. So when I pick my camera up again, I will hopefully not keep clicking away, but be selective and remember to live in the moment aswell.
Another positive is that I can focus on creating to headwear for photoshoots that I would like to do, making them completely unique, why do the same as everyone else.
I created the headwear featured below and enjoyed making it.
Despite my attempts to increase my activity levels earlier this year, Ive not managed to increase my stamina at all. Frequent minor illnesses hampered my attempts. All attempts at increasing activity and stamina have failed. BUT Im getting back to basics now, a new plan. This time Im cutting out the one thing that I love that has been draining my energy and has resulted in experiencing severe symptoms in days afterwards - yep photography. I had been grabbing the opportunity whilst out with friends seeing bands to take photos of the bands too. Its amazing how much this drained me. So 1st thing in my new plan - 28 days of no photography unless its a quick snap. Time to concentrate ALL my effort on beating this illness.
So my plan, which Ive started this week
1/ Get out for a short walk EVERY day, no matter how dreadful I feel , starting with a simple 10 minute daily stroll. Increasing the length of time each week or two depending on how my body is responding. Now Ive done this before, tried earlier this year and a few times the last 2 years and its not worked, BUT I did this in 2014 and it led to me being able to rebuild my activity levels massively that year, with regular walks of between 3 and 5 miles. So, this is why Im trying it again. Now this method doesnt work for everyone, graded exercise has made some people worse,( it has made me worse in the past too) but Im building up very slowly and gently so I do not make myself worse. I will listen to my body. But I will stick to this ridgedly every day for at least a month, even if its just 10 minutes a day. Ive done it before and Im so determined to make it work again. If this doesnt work then Ive no other option to continue my life as before, including the occassional boom bust cycle in order to do the things I love, as without doing what I love in life there is little point.
2/Super super healthy eating and losing weight. I didnt lose the weight earlier in the year. So I will kick start very slow weightloss again. 190lbs a couple of days ago, Im aiming to reach 170 if I can. Ive continued to eat fish and chicken once or twice a week over the last couple of months, partly following a very well educated friends advice I have increased this. Im not so keen on red meat but tried it a couple of days ago and may eat it once a week. If after another couple of months eating meat I see no difference Im likely to return to either being vegetarian or pescatarian though. Im eaing a diet rich in low fat foods, pulses, grains, lean meat, vegetables, fruit. Low sugar, very little processed foods. Calorie counting as I cant exactly lose weight with increased exercise at present.
3/Supplements & medication, I will continue taking D Ribbose and CoQ10 plus NADH. I am also trying Curcummin to see if it helps with pain relief, Milk thistle due to a liver problem which is being investigated, iron, vit C, vit B, vit D, flaxseed oil, Ginko biloba and ginseng. All of which Ive checked are fine with my GP following an ongoing liver and gall bladder issue. Ive recently had my thyroxine reduced from 100mcg to 75mcg as TSH was 0.5. Im battling pain relief, trying to hold off anti inflamatories as much as possible until my stomach issues are identified for definate, as still need to rule out an ulcer. So taking Lansoprazole until further tests and diagnosis determines the cause of the pain. So its codiene and paracetamol for pain, but trying to take as little as possible, using hot baths and heat packs instead whenever possible.
Apart from those simple steps Im ensuring a good sleep pattern ( well trying to in this heat), keeping myself thinking positively, avoiding being around negative people, keep stress to a minimum. Avoiding spending excessive time using a computer, building in rest periods to every day, meditating once a day. Im factoring in doing things that I really enjoy, making jewellery, reading, time in the countryside, time spent with my daughter and friends. Im even going to try sitting in the sun, which for some reason Ive never enjoyed, but Im pasty white and some extra sunshine would do me good :)
So thats my plan. A bit boring but its here for me to refer back to and keep it documented.
Getting to the giving up photography temporarily, Ive met a lot of resistance from my friends and fellow photographers, probably because they know how much I love my hobby and how it drives me. Maybe they have not realised the severity of how it impacts me in following days. Recently I photographed a gig and some dancers and it left me in a terrible state for the best part of 7 days. Actually pretty much bed bound for 2 days. Compared to attending a gig a few days ago, not doing photography, I was able to get out the following day. Its a no brainer really. Why on earth make myself so ill, just to take a few photos of a band, which turn out poor anyway as lighting is dark resulting in noisy images. Its not as if gig photography is my thing, Im never going to be winning awards with the images. Plus, I realise how much Ive neglected my friends in doing this and I would rather enjoy their company and the band. So no more gig photography in low light pubs full stop, only in places where lighting is enough to allow me to take higher quality images.As a photographer I have been very driven in my passion, Ive allowed it to seep into all areas of my life. I love what I do. But its so easy to get caught up in taking photos only thinking about getting "that shot", and you miss the magic of the moment. For me, as Im continuing my spiritual and self improvement path, I realise now that Ive been missing out on being "present" in the moment a hell of a lot, as Ive been so focused and driven. So taking a step back is also a positive option for me, I can get to really enjoy all those magic moments for what they are, not thinking about how compose the best image, how to process it and how many likes or how it might be recieved by other photographers etc. I would rather look back on magical moments that the photographing of those magical moments. So when I pick my camera up again, I will hopefully not keep clicking away, but be selective and remember to live in the moment aswell.
Another positive is that I can focus on creating to headwear for photoshoots that I would like to do, making them completely unique, why do the same as everyone else.
I created the headwear featured below and enjoyed making it.
Tuesday, 7 February 2017
From Snow to Spring
So its been a while since my last post. A lot has happenned.
November/December 2016
I went away on a 4 day photography trip to Glencoe at the beginning of November. I was lucky enough to go with a friend Nick who runs photography workshops in Glencoe, who was kind enough to pick me up, do all the driving, and get me as close as possible to the best photographic spots. I dont think I had to walk more than 800ft more than once. So Nick, made one of the things on my bucket list possible by helping me in this way, Ive dreamed of going to Glencoe again for years but have been unable to due to my inability to drive, my physical limitations and consequential financial restraints. I feel so lucky that not only did I get to go to one of my favourate places, but I got to play with my camera, I went with friends and it snowed, making for beautiful wintery scenes. I dont know if Nick actually realises what a massive treat this was for me, nor how much it meant. Scotland is where my heart is and it mustve been about 12 years since I last got to the Western highlands. So Nick, if you read this - your kindness and helpfulness in taking me there meant the world and I will never forget it. You really did something special those few days, which Im sure you still have no idea of its impact. It wasnt easy for me, I got through it only by taking drinks with D ribose constantly to keep my energy going, taking a ridiculous cocktail of pain killers and anti inflammatories, plus supplements just to get me through each day. But there was no way I was going to miss a minute of it. I think pure determination and adrenaline helped get me through it too :).
Anyway, we stayed at a hostel to keep costs down, sharing a room that was like a sauna, situated in Glencoe. Took packed lunches so we could stay out all day and catch the light/ not miss anything weather wise. It was bitterley cold, but we were well prepared with our winter woollies and wellies.
Here we have the frequently spotted Glencoe Deer scarer above. Quite why the deer are so scared of him Im not so sure, but hi recent naked escapade in the Canary islands may shed some light on that 😉
Thats Nick in Glencoe, there were some spots I couldnt quite get to but I didnt mind. :) , I had a great view.
We had just about every type of weather thrown at us apart from a heat wave. Here are a few of the resulting photos scattered in this blog
Above is my lovely friend Jed showing the scale of the mountain
Amazingly I did not suffer too much from this trip, I think it was down to activity being in short bursts, with lots of periods spent resting in the car. I couldnt quite keep up with Nick and Jed but I certainly made a good effort.
November also saw the parting of ways between my partner John and I, for many reasons and a fair amount of resulting stress particular in December. I am hopeful that he will get his own health 123issues sorted and maybe we can be friends and do a little photography together in time.
December was a quieter month, I had a lovely trip out with friends to Bolam lake and also assisted a friend in photographing a wonderful Asian styled engagement party. Unfortunately this day resulted in me being ill for the best part of a week. Lesson learned there, no long photography sessions.
But it was a lovely experience.
Last of autumn colours at Bolam lake
Christmas was an unusual one. My daughter and I chose to have christmas at home for the first time and we had a lovely peaceful day doing exactly what we wanted.
I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to photograph 16 bands at the O2 as part of the christmas rocks night, over 3 nights. I wasnt too well and ended up having to take frequent breaks resting, sitting down, but those breaks meant I got to shoot each band for a short time and a couple of drinks helped power me through :). I was too exhausted to make it to the second night and had to drag myself along to the 3rd, but I loved the opportunity and Im happy with a few of the images.
I was thrilled that I had a full pass to go behind stage and photograph the drummers for a change too .
New years eve was a lovely night spent with a couple of friends seeing a band in Blyth
2017 - January
Its been a rough start to the year with some flu like bug wiping me out for the first couple of weeks, I tried going out mid January, only to meet a friend for coffee, and had to catch a taxi there as I was so exhausted from getting ready. I enjoyed myself so much that I stayed out longer, then missed the bus home, resulting standing in the freezing cold too long. The results were being ill for another two weeks, unable to get out at all. Even just putting my rubbish out one day ended up with me having to lie down for an hour. So January has been a missed month. A little lonely stuck in with only one visitor in the whole month. Yes, being single with this disease can be a lonely business, when you mainly see friends anywhere but home.
February
So its February 7th already!
I decided in my wisdom that this month I was going to start trying my previous plan to rebuild my stamina and strength like I did in 2014. Ive put weight on which isnt exactly a good idea for me, so started to revert back to my previous healthy diet, lots of smoothies, juices and healthy low fat meals. Ive managed to lose my first 6lbs easily. I aim to lose another 1.5 stone to be a nice healthy weight for my height. Loads of good healthy nutrition to help me feel the best that I can . It will take as long as it will take, Im not rushing it.. Im not sure why I actually stopped being vegetarian for a couple of weeks recenly. Im now reflecting on whether to go back to being vegetarian or whether to eat meat occassionally. Im rereading a great book called Raw energy which will help me focus on the positives of plants in my diet. However, Im really feeling a lot more positive after eating better. I think that letting my diet slip definately had an effect psychologically too.
Exercise wise every attempt Ive made has resulted in full blown M.E symptoms. Its like walking on the moon. Some days Ive struggled just getting ready and getting a few household chores done. But Ive been pushing myself to do just a tiny bit extra each day. I tried using my exercise bike, only for 15 minutes, it wasnt easy, and I know now that 15 minutes was too much. I could barely stand up afterwards ha ha. The next two days I was just in a complete daze with no energy. My planned short walks just havent happenned, just a walk down my two flight of stairs and 200-400ft along the street has actually been my limit some days, but its better than nothing, and if I keep at it then the distances will increase over time. I really really want to climb one of my favourite hills in the Lake district later this year, and this is my goal. But its going to have to be a very slow progress, its just the only way when you have M.E.
Spring is rapidly unfolding. I managed to get out yesterday for a trip to town with my beautiful daughter, There were a tonne of Hellebores flowering in their various colours by the university. It was such a pleasure to be out, despite bitterly cold wind and rain later on. We hit the charity shops as we love the variety in them, then a few other shops around town and treat ourselves. Now this lovey trip out really verified the need to go slower in building up my activity. Over a few hours I managed to walk 1.7 miles around town, sitting down about 8 times for rests. It was a struggle, but once there, there was no turning back and no easy way home unless I caught a taxi. Its so easy to get stuck in a situation like this. I know that point where Ive over one things a bit, but by then its too late, being a good walk to the bus stop and then another good walk from the bus to home. It all adds up. So after a dreadful night and day today Ive decided to stick to just the short walks outside my home for now, or minimising the distance and duration if meeting friends. Im forced into resting tomorrow now. I will take it easy on Thursday also as Ive a night out planned on Friday which includes half a mile walk just getting there and back, and Im determined to have a night out - my first this year.
Ultimately its pretty frustrating, and being single has certainly meant a lot of time spent on my own. I actually enjoy having my own space, but this illness is robbing me of opportunities to socialise. Ive completely stopped working as its virtually impossible at present. Although, I do work on my photography from home, editing images, promoting my images etc and do still make jewellery, theyve both moved into the hobby category whilst I just work on trying to build my stamina enough so that I can have a semi normal life and actually see people.
I hate that describing my life does include a lot of negatives. But its my reality. I dont feel negative though. I feel hopeful and motivated. Spring is here and I love this season, its new beginnings, the start of new life. I appreciate trips out and seeing family and friends. I see the positives in each day. So my positives lately- a lovely day out with my daughter. some fantastic photographic opportunities, which keep me busy editing for months. Ive had time to enjoy watching a few good box sets, watch youtube videos to learn new photographic techniques and to read, Ive been planning jewellery designs and planning ideas for photoshoots once Im well enough.
Plans
So
1 Im increasing my physical activity slowly
2 Im aiming to lose weight
3 Eating healthy
4 Im working on writing a couple of articles to submit to magazines
5 Ive a few short trips out planned to see friends and bands
6 Im continuing to make jewellery and felt items
Long term
Photoshoots, climbing my mountain, hopefully getting out walking more frequently., a trip to Skye and trip to the Lake district. Spending more time with family and friends.
November/December 2016
I went away on a 4 day photography trip to Glencoe at the beginning of November. I was lucky enough to go with a friend Nick who runs photography workshops in Glencoe, who was kind enough to pick me up, do all the driving, and get me as close as possible to the best photographic spots. I dont think I had to walk more than 800ft more than once. So Nick, made one of the things on my bucket list possible by helping me in this way, Ive dreamed of going to Glencoe again for years but have been unable to due to my inability to drive, my physical limitations and consequential financial restraints. I feel so lucky that not only did I get to go to one of my favourate places, but I got to play with my camera, I went with friends and it snowed, making for beautiful wintery scenes. I dont know if Nick actually realises what a massive treat this was for me, nor how much it meant. Scotland is where my heart is and it mustve been about 12 years since I last got to the Western highlands. So Nick, if you read this - your kindness and helpfulness in taking me there meant the world and I will never forget it. You really did something special those few days, which Im sure you still have no idea of its impact. It wasnt easy for me, I got through it only by taking drinks with D ribose constantly to keep my energy going, taking a ridiculous cocktail of pain killers and anti inflammatories, plus supplements just to get me through each day. But there was no way I was going to miss a minute of it. I think pure determination and adrenaline helped get me through it too :).
Anyway, we stayed at a hostel to keep costs down, sharing a room that was like a sauna, situated in Glencoe. Took packed lunches so we could stay out all day and catch the light/ not miss anything weather wise. It was bitterley cold, but we were well prepared with our winter woollies and wellies.
We had just about every type of weather thrown at us apart from a heat wave. Here are a few of the resulting photos scattered in this blog
Amazingly I did not suffer too much from this trip, I think it was down to activity being in short bursts, with lots of periods spent resting in the car. I couldnt quite keep up with Nick and Jed but I certainly made a good effort.
November also saw the parting of ways between my partner John and I, for many reasons and a fair amount of resulting stress particular in December. I am hopeful that he will get his own health 123issues sorted and maybe we can be friends and do a little photography together in time.
December was a quieter month, I had a lovely trip out with friends to Bolam lake and also assisted a friend in photographing a wonderful Asian styled engagement party. Unfortunately this day resulted in me being ill for the best part of a week. Lesson learned there, no long photography sessions.
But it was a lovely experience.
Christmas was an unusual one. My daughter and I chose to have christmas at home for the first time and we had a lovely peaceful day doing exactly what we wanted.
I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to photograph 16 bands at the O2 as part of the christmas rocks night, over 3 nights. I wasnt too well and ended up having to take frequent breaks resting, sitting down, but those breaks meant I got to shoot each band for a short time and a couple of drinks helped power me through :). I was too exhausted to make it to the second night and had to drag myself along to the 3rd, but I loved the opportunity and Im happy with a few of the images.
I was thrilled that I had a full pass to go behind stage and photograph the drummers for a change too .
New years eve was a lovely night spent with a couple of friends seeing a band in Blyth
2017 - January
Its been a rough start to the year with some flu like bug wiping me out for the first couple of weeks, I tried going out mid January, only to meet a friend for coffee, and had to catch a taxi there as I was so exhausted from getting ready. I enjoyed myself so much that I stayed out longer, then missed the bus home, resulting standing in the freezing cold too long. The results were being ill for another two weeks, unable to get out at all. Even just putting my rubbish out one day ended up with me having to lie down for an hour. So January has been a missed month. A little lonely stuck in with only one visitor in the whole month. Yes, being single with this disease can be a lonely business, when you mainly see friends anywhere but home.
February
So its February 7th already!
I decided in my wisdom that this month I was going to start trying my previous plan to rebuild my stamina and strength like I did in 2014. Ive put weight on which isnt exactly a good idea for me, so started to revert back to my previous healthy diet, lots of smoothies, juices and healthy low fat meals. Ive managed to lose my first 6lbs easily. I aim to lose another 1.5 stone to be a nice healthy weight for my height. Loads of good healthy nutrition to help me feel the best that I can . It will take as long as it will take, Im not rushing it.. Im not sure why I actually stopped being vegetarian for a couple of weeks recenly. Im now reflecting on whether to go back to being vegetarian or whether to eat meat occassionally. Im rereading a great book called Raw energy which will help me focus on the positives of plants in my diet. However, Im really feeling a lot more positive after eating better. I think that letting my diet slip definately had an effect psychologically too.
Exercise wise every attempt Ive made has resulted in full blown M.E symptoms. Its like walking on the moon. Some days Ive struggled just getting ready and getting a few household chores done. But Ive been pushing myself to do just a tiny bit extra each day. I tried using my exercise bike, only for 15 minutes, it wasnt easy, and I know now that 15 minutes was too much. I could barely stand up afterwards ha ha. The next two days I was just in a complete daze with no energy. My planned short walks just havent happenned, just a walk down my two flight of stairs and 200-400ft along the street has actually been my limit some days, but its better than nothing, and if I keep at it then the distances will increase over time. I really really want to climb one of my favourite hills in the Lake district later this year, and this is my goal. But its going to have to be a very slow progress, its just the only way when you have M.E.
Spring is rapidly unfolding. I managed to get out yesterday for a trip to town with my beautiful daughter, There were a tonne of Hellebores flowering in their various colours by the university. It was such a pleasure to be out, despite bitterly cold wind and rain later on. We hit the charity shops as we love the variety in them, then a few other shops around town and treat ourselves. Now this lovey trip out really verified the need to go slower in building up my activity. Over a few hours I managed to walk 1.7 miles around town, sitting down about 8 times for rests. It was a struggle, but once there, there was no turning back and no easy way home unless I caught a taxi. Its so easy to get stuck in a situation like this. I know that point where Ive over one things a bit, but by then its too late, being a good walk to the bus stop and then another good walk from the bus to home. It all adds up. So after a dreadful night and day today Ive decided to stick to just the short walks outside my home for now, or minimising the distance and duration if meeting friends. Im forced into resting tomorrow now. I will take it easy on Thursday also as Ive a night out planned on Friday which includes half a mile walk just getting there and back, and Im determined to have a night out - my first this year.
Ultimately its pretty frustrating, and being single has certainly meant a lot of time spent on my own. I actually enjoy having my own space, but this illness is robbing me of opportunities to socialise. Ive completely stopped working as its virtually impossible at present. Although, I do work on my photography from home, editing images, promoting my images etc and do still make jewellery, theyve both moved into the hobby category whilst I just work on trying to build my stamina enough so that I can have a semi normal life and actually see people.
I hate that describing my life does include a lot of negatives. But its my reality. I dont feel negative though. I feel hopeful and motivated. Spring is here and I love this season, its new beginnings, the start of new life. I appreciate trips out and seeing family and friends. I see the positives in each day. So my positives lately- a lovely day out with my daughter. some fantastic photographic opportunities, which keep me busy editing for months. Ive had time to enjoy watching a few good box sets, watch youtube videos to learn new photographic techniques and to read, Ive been planning jewellery designs and planning ideas for photoshoots once Im well enough.
Plans
So
1 Im increasing my physical activity slowly
2 Im aiming to lose weight
3 Eating healthy
4 Im working on writing a couple of articles to submit to magazines
5 Ive a few short trips out planned to see friends and bands
6 Im continuing to make jewellery and felt items
Long term
Photoshoots, climbing my mountain, hopefully getting out walking more frequently., a trip to Skye and trip to the Lake district. Spending more time with family and friends.
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