I did actually have a very unusual day where I awoke refreshed and managed to do quite a lot ( rest periods incorporated) without doing too much. But it seems it was a one off. Its not happened since. I found that by avoiding the boom /bust cycle, I was unable to do the things I wanted, simple things, but activities that always wear me out for days. Its left me feeling lower. So, I'm going with what works for me - doing the things I love whenever I can manage, despite the cost on myself in the days/weeks afterwards, but planning well. Doing the things I love keeps me happy, and pushes me to exercise more despite the exhausting consequences - it helps keep my heart and muscles healthy, and the benefits of happiness far outweigh those of doing things slowly and resting to conserve energy ( a very very boring/tedious existence). I want to get out and live my life. I would far rather be a little reckless once or twice a month, have the time of my life but be ill 3 weeks of the month, than sit at home minimising activities, only to realise I still feel ill.
I am not returning to the M.E dept as they simply haven't helped me, I seem to be able to help myself more.
I am working on optimising my health to the maximum possible and I'm currently planning a raw/vegan diet trial. All the supplements Ive tried have done nothing, so I'm stopping the all today bar Vit D3 as its a waste of time and money. I even tried anti depressants but found they took away ALL of my motivation, I felt numb, so that's a big negative as I'm a fairly motivated person and I refuse to take something that's going to dampen what I feel are my positive attributes. I will try St Johns wort to see if that helps perk me up a little, as I am flat from so many months of massively reduced ability to get out and get involved in normal life activities. So, this week I will be mostly looking into a raw/vegan diet, its benefits and drawbacks, recipes, talking to friends who eat this way and taking a very close look at exactly how to cover all my nutritional requirements this way. I have already started juicing again and replacing an average of one meal a day with fresh juice, so hopefully this will help with my transition to a new diet. I have vegan dishes prepared for the next couple of days. Time to get stocking up on some of the vital extras I will need - goodies such as Bee pollen, honey, various nuts and seeds etc. Ive just learned how to make nut milk and nut cheese - so will be trying those out asap.
Ive also decided to cut Rapeseed oil out of my diet, as I had quite a reaction to it by simply walking through a field - blisters on my legs which burned for 3-4 days. So whilst I experience no noticeable digestion problems after eating products containing it, there is always the possibility I'm sensitive to it in other ways, considering my body's reaction. Next time I'm at my Gps I will mention it. I have more or less cut it out from my diet over this last 5 days or so - but I needed to be vigilant - its in so many foods from cereals, spreads, vegetable oils, snack bars, crisps, all sorts really.
Some good news - my pain levels have finally started to reduce, its been hell for months, constant pain, made worse by cold spells, but these last few weeks my pain levels have reduced to less than half which is wonderful as pain is so tiring.
Re the heart stuff - Ive an appointment to have 24 hour heart monitoring tape fitted in June so the Drs can work out whats going on. My feet are swelling less this month which is good, but palpitations continue to occur - currently anything from 3 times a day to a couple of times a week.
I'm also prescribed a nasal treatment for the inflammation Ive got going on, its a months course and two weeks in its feeling no better, but I will persevere. My sense of smell is no better.
I did get away for a couple of days to an event that Ive wanted to go to for quite some time, the Beltane fire festival in Edinburgh. This was only possible with help from my lovely boyfriend, I could not have managed it without him. I had to taxi between points to reserve energy and sit down frequently and my boyfriend carried 90% of my camera equipment plus drinks etc. But the evening of the festival was magical, better than I had imagined and luckily not too cold. Just attending this has really picked me up and I cant wait to go again next year. I managed a wander around Edinburgh taking in the most beautiful cathedral and loved listening to the bagpipes being played. Its hard to explain the pleasure I experience being in Scotland and walking the places my father and grandmother walked many years ago - Scotland feels like part of me. Sadly, the result of getting away has left me quite unwell for over a week, but its worth it - everyone needs a holiday/break now and then.
Ive also decided to enter a few photography competitions again and won a graphics tablet by coming runner up in one. I was absolutely thrilled to be awarded two gold awards and 4 highly commended in the National photography society's monthly competition, and chuffed to bits that they have used one of those images as their temporary cover image on Facebook. So I have a little extra motivation to continue entering when Ive had some positive results.
I have started planning a series of photo shoots and I'm in the process of pulling together a creative team. I'm quite excited about this as we will be working on a theme that's totally me and Ive had some wonderfully creative and talented people show interest. I will just take my time with planning to get everything right, and have a good supporting team so we can make it all work. I'm really keen to get out doing portraiture again, but Ive made the decision to only work on my own projects from now, as my energy is so precious and the consequences of being so ill afterwards make it not so worth while working on projects that ultimately don't interest me. It will likely be a month or longer before the first one, but its something to look forward to. Ive also got a couple of gigs to look forward to where I'm photographing the bands - one in June and one in November. ( I managed to photograph Hawkwind, one of my all time favourite bands, playing The Sage last month, amazing experience)
So overall, I'm slightly better than last month, with plans to change my diet to see if that helps. I wil try to blog soon to keep everything up to date. Enjoy the start of summer.
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