Here I go again - Renewed drive to beat M.E

Im feeling super positive and happy lately. Life is good. Im enjoying exploring spirituality and reading a little psychology - both hugely beneficial. Im still struggling with the M.E, still only getting out once or twice a week, so none of that has changed. However Ive certainly got used to being single and psychologically feel better than I have in years, not that I had a problem, but I feel happier, content, at peace now whilst I didnt before.

Despite my attempts to increase my activity levels earlier this year, Ive not managed to increase my stamina at all. Frequent minor illnesses hampered my attempts. All attempts at increasing activity and stamina have failed. BUT Im getting back to basics now, a new plan. This time Im cutting out the one thing that I love that has been draining my energy and has resulted in experiencing severe symptoms in days afterwards - yep photography. I had been grabbing the opportunity whilst out with friends seeing bands to take photos of the bands too. Its amazing how much this drained me. So 1st thing in my new plan - 28 days of no photography unless its a quick snap. Time to concentrate ALL my effort on beating this illness.


So my plan, which Ive started this week
1/  Get out for a short walk EVERY day, no matter how dreadful I feel , starting with a simple 10 minute daily stroll. Increasing the length of time each week or two depending on how my body is responding. Now Ive done this before, tried earlier this year and a few times the last 2 years and its not worked, BUT I did this in 2014 and it led to me being able to rebuild my activity levels massively that year, with regular walks of between 3 and 5 miles.  So, this is why Im trying it again. Now this method doesnt work for everyone, graded exercise has made some people worse,( it has made me worse in the past too) but Im building up very slowly and gently so I do not make myself worse. I will listen to my body. But I will stick to this ridgedly every day for at least a month, even if its just 10 minutes a day. Ive done it before and Im so determined to make it work again. If this doesnt work then Ive no other option to continue my life as before,  including the occassional boom bust cycle in order to do the things I love, as without doing what I love in life there is little point.

2/Super super healthy eating and losing weight. I didnt lose the weight earlier in the year. So I will kick start very slow weightloss again. 190lbs a couple of days ago, Im aiming to reach 170 if I can. Ive continued to eat fish and chicken once or twice a week over the last couple of months, partly following a very well educated friends advice I have increased this. Im not so keen on red meat but tried it a couple of days ago and may eat it once a week. If after another couple of months eating meat I see no difference Im likely to return to either being vegetarian or pescatarian though. Im eaing a diet rich in low fat foods, pulses, grains, lean meat, vegetables, fruit. Low sugar, very little processed foods. Calorie counting as I cant exactly lose weight with increased exercise at present.

3/Supplements & medication, I will continue taking D Ribbose and CoQ10 plus NADH. I am also  trying Curcummin to see if it helps with pain relief, Milk thistle due to a liver problem which is being investigated, iron, vit C, vit B, vit D, flaxseed oil, Ginko biloba and ginseng. All of which Ive checked are fine with my GP following an ongoing liver and gall bladder issue.  Ive recently had my thyroxine reduced from 100mcg to 75mcg as TSH was 0.5. Im battling pain relief, trying to hold off anti inflamatories as much as possible until my stomach issues are identified for definate, as still need to rule out an ulcer. So taking Lansoprazole until further tests and diagnosis determines the cause of the pain. So its codiene and paracetamol for pain, but trying to take as little as possible, using hot baths and heat packs instead whenever possible.

Apart from those simple steps Im ensuring a good sleep pattern ( well trying to in this heat), keeping myself thinking positively, avoiding being around negative people, keep stress to a minimum. Avoiding spending excessive time using a computer, building in rest periods to every day, meditating once a day. Im factoring in doing things that I really enjoy, making jewellery, reading, time in the countryside, time spent with my daughter and friends. Im even going to try sitting in the sun, which for some reason Ive never enjoyed, but Im pasty white and some extra sunshine would do me good :)

So thats my plan. A bit boring but its here for me to refer back to and keep it documented.

Getting to the giving up photography temporarily, Ive met a lot of resistance from my friends and fellow photographers, probably because they know how much I love my hobby and how it drives me. Maybe they have not realised the severity of how it impacts me in following days. Recently I photographed a gig and some dancers and it left me in a terrible state for the best part of 7 days. Actually pretty much bed bound for 2 days. Compared to attending a gig a few days ago, not doing photography, I was able to get out the following day. Its a no brainer really. Why on earth make myself so ill, just to take a few photos of a band, which turn out poor anyway as lighting is dark resulting in noisy images. Its not as if gig photography is my thing, Im never going to be winning awards with the images. Plus, I realise how much Ive neglected my friends in doing this and I would rather enjoy their company and the band. So no more gig photography in low light pubs full stop, only in places where lighting is enough to allow me to take higher quality images.

As a photographer I have been very driven in my passion, Ive allowed it to seep into all areas of my life. I love what I do. But its so easy to get caught up in taking photos only thinking about getting "that shot", and you miss the magic of the moment. For me, as Im continuing my spiritual and self improvement path, I realise now that Ive been missing out on being "present" in the moment a hell of a lot, as Ive been so focused and driven. So taking a step back is also a positive option for me, I can get to really enjoy all those magic moments for what they are, not thinking about how  compose the best image, how to process it and how many likes or how it might be recieved by other photographers etc. I would rather look back on magical moments that the photographing of those magical moments. So when I pick my camera up again, I will hopefully not keep clicking away, but be selective and remember to live in the moment aswell.

Another positive is that I can focus on creating to headwear for photoshoots that I would like to do, making them completely unique, why do the same as everyone else.
I created the headwear featured below and enjoyed making it.

Loving being vegetarian

I did get out to photograph waterfalls although we did not make it to the main waterfalls that we had planned as its was getting late in the day and they were much further away from the parking spot. We went to Hareshaw Linn in Northumberland which has the most beautiful old woodlands all alongside a small river. Parking is in a pretty little town called Bellingham, that has a nice pub and a home bakery shop on the main street, where I tried out some lovely chocolate shortbread. Only a few minutes walk from the car is a small waterfall with a few god options for photography, and with 3 of us pretty addicted to snapping we must have spent about an hour in that spot. We did have to splodge through the water to get different angles, and many of my friends who know me well will be amazed to know that I didn't get wet for once :). Luckily there were seats along the walk which provided welcome opportunities for brief rests as the path does undulate. Im quite happy that I managed the walk reasonably easily, although I suffered for about 5 days afterwards, its always worth it for me. We had such a lovely afternoon/evening with my partners parents and rounded it off nicely with a chippy supper.

Two weeks of being vegetarian now and I'm loving it. Ive not even considered or missed eating meat, in fact I've eaten a mainly Vegan, 75% raw diet virtually every day.  I wouldnt say Ive felt much benefit yet, although for the first time in ages Ive started getting a decent sleep in the last few days - 8-10 hours at a time, which is great as Ive struggled with sleep in the past couple of years, but especially the last 6 months.  Wierdly yesterday I only had 2 hours sleep and apart from the first hour after waking, I did not feel too bad. I have read that a largely raw diet can help with sleep and people often need less sleep, it will be interesting to see how this progresses. Another change in my body is that I normally menstruate 6-7 days and yet this time has only lasted 4 days, with virtually no pmt, again, I have also read that a largely raw diet can reduce the length of time menstruating and its well known that a diet rich in fruit and veg can help reduce pmt symptoms. Something else to watch with interest ( for me anyway :) )

Many books and articles do say that you can feel pretty rough in the first couple of weeks of turning vegetarian or starting a 75% raw diet, well I feel rough 90% of the time anyway over the last 6 months especially due to M.E, so no difference there. I did actually feel refreshed after a sleep one day, which is incredibly rare for me - only 2 days this year.  One positive is that Ive lost 8lbs in 8 days, without exercising ( although I have tried to be more active at home, struggling with this as the M.E has been bad, but I've set myself little extra tasks to keep me moving more and have tried to keep going despite feeling dreadful, in an attempt to increase my stamina). I have not had a stupidly low calorie intake - I've been very careful of this as low blood sugar is not good whilst having M.E, Ive tried to regulate it by having small amounts and often, and eating the right foods. My calorie intake has varied from 1200 calories to about 1600, Ive not worked it out exactly, just estimated it roughly, but I've certainly never dipped below 1200. I had put on almost 2 stone in 18 months, mostly due to  being hugely restricted in physical activity because of the M.E in the last 6 months, but dietary wise I've basically continued eating anything I wanted, so its no surprise.  8lbs is a lot to lose in 8 days,  but Ive genuinely eaten better in the last week than I have in my entire life. I've eaten loads, I've not gone without sweet treats and Ive had more good nutrition than ever. Because Ive researched and read so much lately, its resulted in me being able to pack in amazing amounts of nutrients into my meals/snacks, its meant my meals are varied and interesting, with so many flavours. I'm including various supposed " super foods" too. I have been including 1 teaspoon of Bee pollen in a smoothie every day and will be increasing this to 2 teaspoons over the next week or so. Bee pollen has so many positive effects - I would highly recommend anyone to read up on it to see for yourself.
























I will be happy to continue losing weight this way and I am going to keep my calorie intake to between 1200 and 1500 most days, whilst attempting to increase activity, as activity levels rise then so will be calorie intake.

I am feeling surprisingly more mentally alert and revitalised, which could be from a combination of things - good nutritious food, better sleeps, trying to be a little more active, even if it is only in small doses, supplements etc. My mood is also very good, I am positive and enjoying doing various things. I have meditated for brief periods each day and have tried implementing the technique when something stressful crops up - to help reduce the ANS  viscous cycle that contributes to M.E symptoms.

This week I am having sensitivity tests on foods, vitamins, minerals and airbourne stuff, plus a check for defficiencies. A friend told me about this Dr, he had the same tests and the Dr has helped not only him, but his girlfriend and mother to feel better by detecting and removing these "allergens". I have been looking for a holistic Dr and its strange how my friend brought it up just in the week that I was looking. Hopefully this will help me to ensure I m doing everything possible to get myself well and recover from M.E. Just another step in the process. I have previously mentioned my suspected sensitivity to Rapeseed, it will be interesting to see if is picked up or not, whether Im right or wrong.

I am hopefully off out somewhere with my partner and his parents tomorrow, not sure where yet, but looking forward to getting out and to seeing them. Im also hoping to get out this weekend to the 1 year anniversary of my favourite pub reopening - Trillians - I just love this place, my favourite pub since I was a teen, now ran partly by a lovely lady I met through the New friends in Newcastle Meet Up group and her friend. Its a rock bar and they have bands playing every week. This week they will have the same band playing that they did a year ago, AKQ Stottin and they were pretty darn good. So fingers crossed I can get there, enjoy the music and see  few friends.

Its also almost a year from the day I met my lovely partner, John . We had our first date in Trillians on the 21st of June, the summer solstice. I'm looking forward to celebrating our 1 year anniversary, there were many times I thought we might not be a couple, but now I'm really happy I stuck with it and worked through my issues as he is such a lovely, warm, kind hearted man. I can still remember our first kiss on some rocks at Cullercoats whilst watching the sun set, so romantic.