Food and airbourne sensitivity tests

Carrying on from my last blog, I did go out this week, but felt soo ill on going out. Luckily by the time we reached the botanical gardens I had started to feel better, but later in the day I felt quite ill again.  Strangely both times were immediately following food, I would not have added this in my blog, however Ive had food sensitivity tests since and the results were interesting.

So, I went for the food and airbourne sensitivities/intolerances tests. The results showed Im sensitive to the following list of foods and airbourne stuff.

Coffee, cocoa, chocolate, cows milk, potatoes, peas, garlic, grapes, oranges, apples, tangerines, mixed nuts, hazel nuts, salmon,oysters, margarine, barley flour, rye flour, wheat, wheat bran, soy bean meal, red and white wine, msg, e102, e110, e124

tobacco smoke, grasses, dogs hair, house dust mites, straw dust, nettle pollen, dry rot, penicillin notatum, alternata

So going back to feeling ill the previous day, I had just drank fresh home made juice containing orange and apple juice, followed by a slice of freshly baked home made bread containing wheat. Later in the day I was out and had my first coffee in about 1 week, decaf with milk, plus a veggie lasagna and salad. It adds up now as I had quite a few things that my body is currently intolerant of.

Apparently by avoiding all these things in my diet for 2-6 months some of these intolerances may disappear if my body is given the chance to heal. Its going to be quite difficult initially as I juice daily and for my juices/smoothies containing lots of veg I usually add the juice of an apple or orange to help the taste. I have garlic in a large proportion of savoury dishes, wheat will also be difficult, not so much just because its in bread, but its in so many other things - couscous being the main one I will miss, I will eat couscous 2-3 times a week. Not having pasta or noodles will be tricky too.  So no bread, pasta, noodles or couscous or potatoes - these are difficult staples to go without. But I CAN have rice and oats and corn, So if I choose to have a cereal I could possibly find an oat or corn based one, maybe a healthy muesli. potatoes I can substitute with an occassional sweet potato.

I am waiting to determine precisely which nuts I cant have, I know macadamia and peanuts are out. Hopefully I can still have cashews and almonds as I drink almond milk.
I am also getting one point verified re cocoa - is this cocoa containing milk powder ? If it is then maybe its just the milk thats the problem, which would be a huge relief as I could have be odd treat with cacao powder in almond milk whizzed up with banana and kale as a chocolate smoothie :)

My diet is going to be challenging for a short time whilst I work out what I can have, and how I can stay eating a diet that is highly nutritious with everything my body needs. A lot of shop bought ready made items are out of question. I guess I will come to really appreciate certain foods, but eating out will be very difficult.

Today is day one of elimination diet, Ive eliminated everything on the list apart from a tiny bit of apple juice in my smoothie. That wont be a problem tomorrow as I now have other fruits to substitute, so tomorrow everything from the list will be eliminated. I am hopeful that given a couple of weeks I will start feeling a good bit better in myself and that correcting my diet will  be a positive step on my road to recovery.

Positive stuff this week - hardly any pain- YIPPEE, even following my short walk in Durham. Ive made a new bracelet and a couple of components for necklaces. Ive actually got out 3 times this week despite feeling dreadful and had such a lovely time walking through woodlands at Durham botanical gardens.

There was an interesting article out this week about M.E. Here is a link for anyone that missed it.
http://www.thecanary.co/2016/06/08/people-mecfs-long-told-head-scientists-disagree/

Loving being vegetarian

I did get out to photograph waterfalls although we did not make it to the main waterfalls that we had planned as its was getting late in the day and they were much further away from the parking spot. We went to Hareshaw Linn in Northumberland which has the most beautiful old woodlands all alongside a small river. Parking is in a pretty little town called Bellingham, that has a nice pub and a home bakery shop on the main street, where I tried out some lovely chocolate shortbread. Only a few minutes walk from the car is a small waterfall with a few god options for photography, and with 3 of us pretty addicted to snapping we must have spent about an hour in that spot. We did have to splodge through the water to get different angles, and many of my friends who know me well will be amazed to know that I didn't get wet for once :). Luckily there were seats along the walk which provided welcome opportunities for brief rests as the path does undulate. Im quite happy that I managed the walk reasonably easily, although I suffered for about 5 days afterwards, its always worth it for me. We had such a lovely afternoon/evening with my partners parents and rounded it off nicely with a chippy supper.

Two weeks of being vegetarian now and I'm loving it. Ive not even considered or missed eating meat, in fact I've eaten a mainly Vegan, 75% raw diet virtually every day.  I wouldnt say Ive felt much benefit yet, although for the first time in ages Ive started getting a decent sleep in the last few days - 8-10 hours at a time, which is great as Ive struggled with sleep in the past couple of years, but especially the last 6 months.  Wierdly yesterday I only had 2 hours sleep and apart from the first hour after waking, I did not feel too bad. I have read that a largely raw diet can help with sleep and people often need less sleep, it will be interesting to see how this progresses. Another change in my body is that I normally menstruate 6-7 days and yet this time has only lasted 4 days, with virtually no pmt, again, I have also read that a largely raw diet can reduce the length of time menstruating and its well known that a diet rich in fruit and veg can help reduce pmt symptoms. Something else to watch with interest ( for me anyway :) )

Many books and articles do say that you can feel pretty rough in the first couple of weeks of turning vegetarian or starting a 75% raw diet, well I feel rough 90% of the time anyway over the last 6 months especially due to M.E, so no difference there. I did actually feel refreshed after a sleep one day, which is incredibly rare for me - only 2 days this year.  One positive is that Ive lost 8lbs in 8 days, without exercising ( although I have tried to be more active at home, struggling with this as the M.E has been bad, but I've set myself little extra tasks to keep me moving more and have tried to keep going despite feeling dreadful, in an attempt to increase my stamina). I have not had a stupidly low calorie intake - I've been very careful of this as low blood sugar is not good whilst having M.E, Ive tried to regulate it by having small amounts and often, and eating the right foods. My calorie intake has varied from 1200 calories to about 1600, Ive not worked it out exactly, just estimated it roughly, but I've certainly never dipped below 1200. I had put on almost 2 stone in 18 months, mostly due to  being hugely restricted in physical activity because of the M.E in the last 6 months, but dietary wise I've basically continued eating anything I wanted, so its no surprise.  8lbs is a lot to lose in 8 days,  but Ive genuinely eaten better in the last week than I have in my entire life. I've eaten loads, I've not gone without sweet treats and Ive had more good nutrition than ever. Because Ive researched and read so much lately, its resulted in me being able to pack in amazing amounts of nutrients into my meals/snacks, its meant my meals are varied and interesting, with so many flavours. I'm including various supposed " super foods" too. I have been including 1 teaspoon of Bee pollen in a smoothie every day and will be increasing this to 2 teaspoons over the next week or so. Bee pollen has so many positive effects - I would highly recommend anyone to read up on it to see for yourself.
























I will be happy to continue losing weight this way and I am going to keep my calorie intake to between 1200 and 1500 most days, whilst attempting to increase activity, as activity levels rise then so will be calorie intake.

I am feeling surprisingly more mentally alert and revitalised, which could be from a combination of things - good nutritious food, better sleeps, trying to be a little more active, even if it is only in small doses, supplements etc. My mood is also very good, I am positive and enjoying doing various things. I have meditated for brief periods each day and have tried implementing the technique when something stressful crops up - to help reduce the ANS  viscous cycle that contributes to M.E symptoms.

This week I am having sensitivity tests on foods, vitamins, minerals and airbourne stuff, plus a check for defficiencies. A friend told me about this Dr, he had the same tests and the Dr has helped not only him, but his girlfriend and mother to feel better by detecting and removing these "allergens". I have been looking for a holistic Dr and its strange how my friend brought it up just in the week that I was looking. Hopefully this will help me to ensure I m doing everything possible to get myself well and recover from M.E. Just another step in the process. I have previously mentioned my suspected sensitivity to Rapeseed, it will be interesting to see if is picked up or not, whether Im right or wrong.

I am hopefully off out somewhere with my partner and his parents tomorrow, not sure where yet, but looking forward to getting out and to seeing them. Im also hoping to get out this weekend to the 1 year anniversary of my favourite pub reopening - Trillians - I just love this place, my favourite pub since I was a teen, now ran partly by a lovely lady I met through the New friends in Newcastle Meet Up group and her friend. Its a rock bar and they have bands playing every week. This week they will have the same band playing that they did a year ago, AKQ Stottin and they were pretty darn good. So fingers crossed I can get there, enjoy the music and see  few friends.

Its also almost a year from the day I met my lovely partner, John . We had our first date in Trillians on the 21st of June, the summer solstice. I'm looking forward to celebrating our 1 year anniversary, there were many times I thought we might not be a couple, but now I'm really happy I stuck with it and worked through my issues as he is such a lovely, warm, kind hearted man. I can still remember our first kiss on some rocks at Cullercoats whilst watching the sun set, so romantic.

Crash

So only days after my last post I lie in bed writing this. I am experiencing quite a severe crash. I felt quite unwell yesterday and could not sleep the night before. I ended up finally sleeping from 6pm until 4 am. I got up to eat and drink and struggled just walking between rooms. I ended up lying on the settee as sitting was too tiring - as ridiculous as that sounds. Ive last 5 hours and I'm back in bed. About to go to sleep as I'm completely wiped out. I did next to nothing yesterday due to exhaustion - walking back up our 2 flights of stairs after getting washing in was the most I managed and seriously wore me out.

Ive eaten super healthy and made sure Im not having too few calories as losing weight whilst my body is behaving this way is not wise. im drinking lots and taking all my supplements. I am continuing to do everything in my power to belp myself to feel well and recover. Ive started meditating daily and found it easy, its something I used to do a lot and it seems almost like second nature.

Ive got the opportunity to go out tomorrow to photograph waterfalls, which I would love. So batteries are charged. . fingers crossed I feel better than this tomorrow. So lots of rest and good nutrition today.

Ive got some jewellery making videos to watch today and planning for my next jewellery pieces. Ive prepared the components for two bracelets recently and might put one together later today depending on how I am feeling. Getting creative is a wonderful distraction when frequently feeling unwell, I would highly recommend it. It gives a sense of accomplishment which I feel is important when life isnt going quite to plan. You have the positives of enjoying producing something and sharing your efforts, either giving your results as presents to friends and family or selling to boost your income or cover your costs.

Enough writing for now I'm off to sleep.

The quest for good health continues - huge dietary changes.

So since my last blog, 8 only days ago Ive made large changes to my diet. I have done a lot of reading - mainly a booked called CFS unravelled, which explains one mans theory of the causes of CFS and how to recover. Its not that far from my own theories and thoughts so Im following his advice, as its extremely close to my current plans for health. As he has explained the reasons behind the requirement for supplements, I have restarted taking :-
 Magnesium,
 Vitamin B complex,

Vitamin D3 - 5000 IU after a good bit of research, I know this is more than what is conventionally prescribed but I really have researched it and i would need moe than 30,000 daily before it would be considered possibly too much. I am currently defficient, not surprising living in north UK and not getting out much lately.

Iron - the average woman at my point in life needs 33mg a day, more than twice what men do. Now after looking at my current diet plans of mainly raw vegan food, I get loads of Iron from a 2-4 of large handfuls of spinach/kale/rocket, fennel, courgettes, dandelion greens plus from various nuts, sunflower seeds and other seeds plus raw cacao, raw hummus, raw tahini,  But Im not convinced I will always get 33 mg so I will supplement and eat iron rich foods alongside vitamin C to help its uptake. I do wonder how people with rubbish diets eating takeaways and junk get enough iron though, at least I know Im giving my body the best nutrition possible.

Chromium which helps normalise blood sugar levels
 CoQ10 which helps with energy at a cellular level
Ginseng
St Johns wort
Ribbose, Creatine and Theanine all to help with M.E

I have also continued reading another book called Raw energy regarding the benefits of a raw plant diet. I already have a fairly sound understanding of nutrition due to being an ex nurse but reading this plus reading numerous articles/research on vegetarian, vegan and raw food websites has me absolutely convinced that Im doing the right thing for my body in changing my diet for the better. If only I had known as much about the benefits of eating raw foods years ago... I feel like shouting it from the roof tops and telling everyone how much better they can treat their bodies by changing even just one meal a day.
So my changes are - one or two fresh fruit and vegetable juices a day, one raw meal a day - could be a smoothie - I can fit so much nutrition into a smoothie, or a salad type meal, a soup or numerous other ideas.  Looking at all the recipes I  feel excited at the wonderful choices. So many are incredibly easy to make. For my last meal I might eat cooked food, it depends on what I fancy each day, but at the very least it will be vegetarian.  Meaning about 60-70 % of my diet will be raw food, packed with more nutrients than Ive ever had in my life, so I'm not worried about becoming defficient - I will need to keep an eye on things such as calcium content, pottassium and sodium levels, protien intake etc whilst getting used to this new way of living. I will be speaking to my GP re all this on my next visit and request that we keep an eye on my bloods etc whilst making these changes. My attitude to food has changed, I am eating for enjoyment too, but more eating for health. I do not look at becoming vegetarian and possibly vegan/rawist in time as losing out as many people do, I look at it in a positive way as Ive actually been m,issing out on such an amazing way to eat and live for so long.  I am excited at the opportunity to try new foods/ recipes. I have loved every single m,eal I've had this week and whilst I am not brimming with energy yet due to a couple of other reasons this week, I am 200% sure in time I will reap the benefits, and soon - I just need to get over a minor stomach upset and look at my other aspects of health regarding recovering from M.E.
Seriously, that first fresh juice of the day is like drinking a glass of pure sunshine. I've found a couple of recipes that help with any cravings for my favourate foods to, not that I will eat them in excess :) Here is one I love -
Thick Chocolate, peanut smoothie
1 frozen banana,
 2 handfuls of spinach/kale/dandelion greens - whatever greens you fancy
2 medjool dates
a tablespoon of peanut butter
a few almonds
a few sunflower seeds
almond milk
add a pinch of bee pollen and spirulina for extra nutrition if desired
After having a small one of those - I honestly don't think I will be craving conventional chocolate bars too often - this is tastier

This next week I am going to concentrate on learning a few more recipes and trying those. I am also looking into changing a handful of fruits veggie purchases into organic produce to avoid pesticides, I wish I could afford more, but slowly and surely I will get there. There are guidelines on the best 15 fruits and veg to buy organic which helps. I am also hoping to pass on some of this desire for tasty healthy foods to my daughter, but teenagers aren't always interested in what their mums say or do :).

I will be attending a yoga meditation class this week too, another area I am trying to help myself with, in reducing stress and how I react to it. This should hopefully be beneficial in my recovery, although I anticipate it may take time to learn to put into practice properly.

I've taken a step back from making my jewellery so I can put as much energy as possible into getting well/recovering. I have made a couple of bracelets in the last two weeks and have produced components for two other which I will be completing soon. But taking a step back will allow me to refocus on exactly what I want to make, what I enjoy producing, also whether to pursue this as a very small business or keep it as a hobby.

I have been out taking photographs once this week, images totally for myself, so no pressure involved. I visited the most beautiful, ancient woodlands in Morpeth, filled with more bluebells than I have ever seen in my life. It was heaven. Three of us spent about 3 hours wandering around with our cameras, it was bliss. Although I did not rest enough, causing a bit of a crash this week. Next time I will remember to take frequent short rests. I am tempted to rerturn as its so beautiful and I only just discovered the heaviest concentration of bluebells on leaving. Plus the light will be different. I will see how I feel over coming days as they wont be in bloom long.

Oooh and another benefit of eating so healthy - Ive lost 5lbs this week, which is a positive thing as I could do with losing about 20 lbs to be a really good healthy weight for my height. So I'm a quarter of the way there without trying really.

My pain levels remain better than they were too, no pain at all yesterday and today which is wonderful.

The latest

So I tried figuring in rest periods into my day, not that I was doing a lot any way, but I was constantly keeping myself busy  I avoided the boom bust cycle but felt no better. Although short rest periods do help me.
I did actually have a very unusual day where I awoke refreshed and managed to do quite a lot ( rest periods incorporated) without doing too much. But it seems it was a one off. Its not happened since. I found that by avoiding the boom /bust cycle, I was unable to do the things I wanted, simple things, but activities that always wear me out for days. Its left me feeling lower. So, I'm going with what works for me - doing the things I love whenever I can manage, despite the cost on myself in the days/weeks afterwards, but planning well. Doing the things I love keeps me happy, and pushes me to exercise more despite the exhausting consequences - it helps keep my heart and muscles healthy, and the benefits of happiness far outweigh those of doing things slowly and resting to conserve energy ( a very very boring/tedious existence). I want to get out and live my life. I would far rather be a little reckless once or twice a month, have the time of my life but be ill 3 weeks of the month, than sit at home minimising activities, only to realise I still feel ill.
I am not returning to the M.E dept as they simply haven't helped me, I seem to be able to help myself more.
I am working on optimising my health to the maximum possible and I'm currently planning a raw/vegan diet trial. All the supplements Ive tried have done nothing, so I'm stopping the all today bar Vit D3 as its a waste of time and money. I even tried anti depressants but found they took away ALL of my motivation, I felt numb, so that's a big negative as I'm a fairly motivated person and I refuse to take something that's going to dampen what I feel are my positive attributes. I will try St Johns wort to see if that helps perk me up a little, as I am flat from so many months of massively reduced ability to get out and get involved in normal life activities. So, this week I will be mostly looking into a raw/vegan diet, its benefits and drawbacks, recipes, talking to friends who eat this way and taking a very close look at exactly how to cover all my nutritional requirements this way. I have already started juicing again and replacing an average of one meal a day with fresh juice, so hopefully this will help with my transition to a new diet. I have vegan dishes prepared for the next couple of days. Time to get stocking up on some of the vital extras I will need - goodies such as Bee pollen, honey, various nuts and seeds etc. Ive just learned how to make nut milk and nut cheese - so will be trying those out asap.
Ive also decided to cut Rapeseed oil out of my diet, as I had quite a reaction to it by simply walking through a field - blisters on my legs which burned for 3-4 days. So whilst I experience no noticeable digestion problems after eating products containing it, there is always the possibility I'm sensitive to it in other ways, considering my body's reaction. Next time I'm at my Gps I will mention it. I have more or less cut it out from my diet over this last 5 days or so - but I needed to be vigilant - its in so many foods from cereals, spreads, vegetable oils, snack bars, crisps, all sorts really.

Some good news - my pain levels have finally started to reduce, its been hell for months, constant pain, made worse by cold spells, but these last few weeks my pain levels have reduced to less than half which is wonderful as pain is so tiring.

Re the heart stuff - Ive an appointment to have 24 hour heart monitoring tape fitted in June so the Drs can work out whats going on. My feet are swelling less this month which is good, but palpitations continue to occur - currently anything from 3 times a day to a couple of times a week.

I'm also prescribed a nasal treatment for the inflammation Ive got going on, its a months course and two weeks in its feeling no better, but I will persevere. My sense of smell is no better.

I did get away for a couple of days to an event that Ive wanted to go to for quite some time, the Beltane fire festival in Edinburgh. This was only possible with help from my lovely boyfriend, I could not have managed it without him. I had to taxi between points to reserve energy and sit down frequently and my boyfriend carried 90% of my camera equipment plus drinks etc. But the evening of the festival was magical, better than I had imagined and luckily not too cold. Just attending this has really picked me up and I cant wait to go again next year. I managed a wander around Edinburgh taking in the most beautiful cathedral and loved listening to the bagpipes being played. Its hard to explain the pleasure I experience being in Scotland and walking the places my father and grandmother walked many years ago - Scotland feels like part of me. Sadly, the result of getting away has left me quite unwell for over a week, but its worth it - everyone needs a holiday/break now and then.

Ive also decided to enter a few photography competitions again and won a graphics tablet by coming runner up in one. I was absolutely thrilled to be awarded two gold awards and 4 highly commended in the National photography society's monthly competition, and chuffed to bits that they have used one of those images as their temporary cover image on Facebook. So I have a little extra motivation to continue entering when Ive had some positive results.

I have started planning a series of photo shoots and I'm in the process of pulling together a creative team. I'm quite excited about this as we will be working on a theme that's totally me and Ive had some wonderfully creative and talented people show interest. I will just take my time with planning to get everything right, and have a good supporting team so we can make it all work. I'm really keen to get out doing portraiture again, but Ive made the decision to only work on my own projects from now, as my energy is so precious and the consequences of being so ill afterwards make it not so worth while working on projects that ultimately don't interest me. It will likely be a month or longer before the first one, but its something to look forward to. Ive also got a couple of gigs to look forward to where I'm photographing the bands - one in June and one in November.  ( I managed to photograph Hawkwind, one of my all time favourite bands, playing The Sage last month, amazing experience)

So overall, I'm slightly better than last month, with plans to change my diet to see if that helps. I wil try to blog soon to keep everything up to date. Enjoy the start of summer.

Worsening symptoms and my continuing battle

So Ive not updated  as Ive simply not had much energy and also I prefer not to concentrate on the M.E. I feel that some people concentrate so much on their illness that it rules their lives, well unfortunately the M.E is restricting and affecting my life so much that it IS ruling my life, Ive lost all control over it.
Following my last appointment with the specialist we decided I would complete an activity diary to see if that helps to identify any problems, also Ive was advised to read a book called Fighting Fatigue, which also suggests many ways to balance out activity and rest levels. I have identifyed the fact that I dont factor in rest properly, I rarely rest at all, I find I get incredibly bored by resting and doing little as Im more of a "doer", So I am working on trying to factor in short periods of rest between short periods of activity. The book also talks about swapping between physical, mental and social activities, and only doing what you can manage of each one with making the fatigue worse, taking a rest break then alternating the next activity to a different type. So I am trying this too. I have an appointment with the specialists later this week to look more at a plan to help me take control of the M.E.  Yes, apparently the key is me taking control, hmm easier said than done as when there are things that need doing in life and events I would like to attend, that immediately uses up every ounce of energy and always results in several days of me being even more ill. So whilst trying to avoid the boom bust trap, normal life causes that to happen because I manage so little at present. I will discuss this with the specialist.

Im also seeing my GP again, Ive had an ECG and bloods, Im vitamin D defficient but otherwise bloods are normal. However, I am experiencing an irregular heartbeat several times a week, up to 4 times in a couple of hours, also my feet and ankles are swelling most days, which suggest a possible heart problem. So I will see what happens next with the GP.

Symptoms wise Ive never been worse. Its why Im awake typing now, Ive had 1 hours sleep, woken by pain.I went without pain relief yesterday, possibly foolishly as I walked a very short walk, and tried to do a little photography. I was already in pain the entire day yesterday - a hot bath with epsom salts helped loads and distraction helped a fair bit. But my extra activity knocked my pain levels up from about 5/10 to 7-8/10 all night. Ive taken paracetamol with no effect at all, but really dont want to take codiene - I just dont want to end up addicted to it. So Im running another hot bath at 6am :/

Im experiencing symptoms Ive never had with M.E before - gastro intestinal problems, food intolerances possibly, Im not tolerating foods well, its like having irritable bowel syndrome. Im experiencing frequent headaches, sore throats, a complete intolerance of temperature changes, sometimes sensitivity to light and frequent sensitivity to noise - I frequently cant talk or listen to someone with music or the tv playing. Most of the time I prefer complete silence and often struggle to hold a decent conversation. My brain isnt functioning properly, Im incredibly forgetful and cant find the words I need to use. Sometimes I can manage reading and have struggled to work out puzzles recently. I feel muddled sometimes and Im struggling to learn new things. Nausea.  A constant feeling like I have the flu. Ive virtually lost my sense of smell and have had a feeling of inflammed sinuses on and off for months, now my sense of taste is also extremely diminished - this might not sound important, but when you feel ill and cant get out, losing the sense of smell and taste seriously reduce enjoyment of the simple things like a nice bath bomb, cream or perfume and Im gutted I cant taste my favourite meals so much now. This is how Ive been for the last 3 months,

Im normally fairly positive and find things to keep myself occupied whilst I have less energy, but 3 months of this constant, fatigue, pain, and all the symptoms above has worn me down, so Im feeling low in mood too. I sat and cried this morning, simply because I feel so ill - Im trying to fight it but fighting it takes so much strength and makes me feel even iller, so its harder to find the motivation - but Ive not given up. Im strong minded and stubborn - which is how I got to walk 8 mile walks in 2014. Only I know its going to be a long, slow hard slog. I find myself accepting help more often lately because I dont have any choice - thank God for my boyfriend and daughter - without them I do not know how I would have got through this last 3 months.

On a positive note I have got out to the local quiz this last 5 weeks, its only about 800 foot walk - which is often a struggle, but Ive managed it. Last week I could barely cope with the music playing and the guy asking the questions - I couldnt think straight and it took me forever to complete about a third of the written questions/puzzles than I normally would, but we won, for the 4th time in 5 weeks amazingly. I also had my first proper night out to see a band in months, I enjoyed it but not as much as usual as I wasnt up to parr, luckily the bus stops right next to the place I went, so virtually no walking helped me get there. Im hoping to make it back out for my birthday in 2 weeks  with a few
friends.

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After hot bath, totally exhausted from drying myself and getting dressed, but my pain has reduced in most areas of my body to about 3/10 with is a relief. Now resting.

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Urgh, that last 10 minutes after my bath, the pain has returned right back up to 8/10 in my arms, wrists, shoulders, neck, upper chest, upper back, but only 2/10 in legs, hips, lower back. My nursing experience tells me its silly to continue with the codiene, so Ive taken the 60mg for today. ( Im prescribed 1 dose a day which is so ridiculous - if I have a good month then I just manage, but this is a very bad month so far and I will be lucky if they last 3 weeks - I must discuss this with the Dr.

Back to resting. Too tired to think to type and stupidly its taking far too much energy to even type, grrr.
I will leave this on a positive note, I took photos of my frogs yesterday, I set up slowly over a few hours used fresh moss to make a mini makeshift pond.
Here are the resulting images, no editing, theyre straight out of camera.
So, even when you are feeling dreadful, you can  do something positive - my photography is my silver lining in this currently rather moody dark cloud of an illness.

2.5 years since last post! Whats been happenning.

In 2 and a half years a lot has happened but I will try to condense it. Basically at the end of 2013 my 9 year relationship came to an end and I moved out, away from Bristol and back to my home town of Newcastle. I had wanted to move back for years anyway and now 2 years on I'm happy it was the right choice. I miss a lot of lovely friends in Bristol but luckily the internet helps us to stay in touch.
At first it was hard making new friends, but I discovered Meetup, which is a worldwide website helping people meet new friends with similar interests. There is a local group called New friends in Newcastle and they have all sorts of events, from going for a meal, to see a band, attend local events and even holidays.  I only went along to a handful of events in 2014 but went to quite a few in 2015 and even hosted my own meetups to find others who enjoyed seeing rock bands. I still get to meetups but only once or twice  month at present, but it is always lovely to see everyone.
I also joined a camera club but after a year felt it wasn't for me, but have made some nice friends through it who I will stay in touch with.
Once  my daughter and I had found somewhere to live and finally got our furniture from down south and moved, then settled in, I started reaching out to local creative groups to find other photographers, models, make up artists etc so I could do the occasional model photo shoot, again I've made a few lovely friends in doing this and ended up published in magazines a few times. The photo shoots have done have been sporadic and with lots of kindly offered help physically from others involved. I've not managed any shoots in the past 4 months unfortunately due to the M.E. Below are a few of the mages from shoots over the last 2 years, its easy to think negatively when feeling unwell so much of the time, but looking back through these has really helped me to see just how much I have achieved ( with help)

 In 2014 I decided to try to improve my health by losing weight and with healthier diet. I started juicing and for a good 7 months or so substituted one or two meals a day (plus snacks) with a super healthy home made vegetable a fruit juice. I started trying to walk every other day, building up to a mile then two miles very very slowly, increasing the frequency and pushing myself to do this no matter how exhausted I felt. Within 6 months I did actually manage to walk an 8 mile walk on flat ground, only once though, but I did manage a handful of 5 mile walks too. I lost 50 lbs and felt the best I've felt with the M.E in 7 years. Although I still struggled with many tasks such as anything holding my hands above my head - drying hair, hanging washing out, trying to wash windows etc and various tasks bending down such as trying to wash a floor.  Despite advice from the M.E specialist physiotherapist who reckoned repeatedly trying to do these activities would help me to actually do them in the end - this has never happened. Walking is the only exercise I was able to perform and increase, for a few short months. Later in the year walking became increasingly difficult, for no reason I could put my finger on.  I continued to try hard but things didn't change.
Early  2015 I ended up with flu and a chest infection and since then I've not managed to get my health back to how it was in 2013, I have tried and managed some shorter walks in summer 2015 but suffered so much with exhaustion, pain and malaise /brain fog afterwards. Every time I did increase activity levels, even a small amount, I ended up ill for days or weeks.
Even through all this I set up my photography business, working from home running reptile photography days for 4 hours at a time, aiming to run one a week.  I set up in December 2014 with help from a local business enterprise and my local housing association - who were impressed with my drive and published a small article re my business near the end of 2015. I found that I could set up my lights, backdrop and props etc one or 2 days before the workshops, reserving all my energy on the actual day, then  put everything away a couple of days later when I had recovered from the 4 hours on my feet. I've not managed any workshops for the past few months though, so I've put that all on hold as I'm barely managing 30 minutes on my feet without serious suffering afterwards. I did try 2 hour sessions but it really wasn't worth making myself ill for 2 hours work. Hopefully once I'm feeling better than I am at present then maybe I can restart the workshops, although I'm not keen on continually inviting strangers into my home and the "studio" constantly being set up in my living room.  I do still sell my images though and I have been approached by a book company recently so will see how that goes. I also won a few highly commended awards with the SWPP for some of my work, I'm still aiming for a Fellowship award and I'm slowly working on 2 bodies of work to submit. Below are two images that won awards

So the last few months the M.E has been much worse than its been in the 9 years that I've had it. Some days I struggle just to get ready and get through the day at home, I find it difficult to cook a proper home cooked meal most days, and I've even struggled drying myself following a bath, and often cant dry my hair so have to let it dry - which horrifies me - I hate having frizzy hair, I like to be well groomed and wont go out with my hair as it dries on its own. I've struggled with brain function, concentration too, becoming forgetful and I've not even been safe crossing roads - my daughter has prevented me from having and accident crossing roads twice. I forget if I've taken my tablets or not, so now pop them into a dispenser. I have also started experiencing widespread pain, every day, most of the day. This has only happened once since I've had M.E and only lasted a couple of months. But this has lasted a good 3-4 months now. I will only take my pain relief once a day though as its addictive, some days I try to go without - and its difficult, but there are the days where I need to take it more often so it balances out at one dose a day. I will try to continue like this as I'm determined  not to to rely on them.  I've yet to determine the cause of the pain, but have an appointment with the M.E team in March where I will discuss this amongst other problems. I've also had the worst problems sleeping I've ever had, frequently being unable to sleep for 30-40 hours - another thing to discuss with the M.E team.
 Whilt stuck in and feeling ill Ive tried distracting myself by learning jewellery making techniques slowly and Ive managed to make a few nice pieces for myself. Im keen to make a go of selling jewellery online at some point, and hopefully at craft fairs, but this would mean I need to be well enough to manage a day doing this and Im certinly not lately. A few of my hand made jewellery and art pieces below.

So that's where I'm at at present, not too well but still trying to do something positive with my life.

I will try to post more often. Im working on a new bucket list for this year as I had one for last year and managed quite a few things off it. I will share more in my next blog.